It’s the same advice every time and I for one have not been impressed. Then top it off with this amazing Buzzfeed article that aggregrated all of the bad sex advice these magazines had been giving and I thought, you know what, I’m going to reach out to my own guy network and poll them. I want to know what the real man thinks, not just some pre-fab New Yorker they “pulled off the street.”

These guys all range from 25-38 years old. They’ve been around the block a few times and then maybe a few more. They’ve been in committed relationships, dated casually and some have even got married. They were open, candid and had opinions that were meaningful, applicable and had nothing to do with touching their taint. You ready? Let’s go.

1. Speak your mind and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want

“Being direct and a little dirty is sexy. If you want him to go down on you, ask him. Dont be shy, with innuendos; rather look in his eyes and say softly ‘Please, go down on me?’ On the flip side, having a woman ask me things before she does them is hot as well, ‘Do you want me to bend over the couch for you?,’ ‘Do you want me to watch me use this Adam & Eve vibrator?’ It doesn’t have to be super perverted or sleezy, but said with passion in her eyes and an eagerness in her gaze for it to happen – that is sexier than any outfit, or manuevers in bed.” —Ryan, 34

2. Confidence is everything

“Honestly, just don’t be self conscious. Even if you are, don’t act like it, whether you’re insecure about your body or your moves. Confidence is the biggest turn on. We wouldn’t be sleeping with you if we didn’t think you were beautiful. When it comes to moves, if you seem uncomfortable that’s not gonna work for me. I’d rather receive bad oral from someone who is selling it than a good one from someone who doesn’t seem into it.” —Ronny, 25

3. Don’t be afraid to like it

“I’m not going to enjoy myself if the girl isn’t enjoying herself. While it’s important that we both get off, my main priority is making sure she has a good time all around. I’m probably not going to have a good time if she looks like she’s bored, in her own head or worried. Just let go and enjoy what’s happening around and to you. It’s a huge turn on to see a girl who can really let loose and enjoy herself.” —Austin, 28

4. Be more aggressive

“Be willing to take more control. Initiate sex, hop on top, dictate the moves, tell me what to do. Men don’t mind working for sex and being in charge, but some times we just want to see what you can do. Let us know that you’re willing to run the show. It shows you’re confident and know what you want and we like that.” —Paul, 30

5. Experiment realistically

“If you want to experiment let us know. We don’t expect you to swing from the rafters in a corse and give us a handy. That’s absurd. We want a girl who is herself, who wants to experiment with things she likes, not what may have been sold to her in a book or magazine. If you want to try a different position or dirty talk, do it! We won’t be offended, in fact, we’ll probably like it.” —Adam, 38

You know what I thought was the funniest thing of all? The fact that all of these guys basically said the same things: Be confident and know what you want. So ditch the 75 things a man wants articles and work on yourself. Figure out what you want and how to love yourself and I promise you that any man will be happy with that. No need for champagne, lube, and a lingerie set that’s uncomfortably tight.