It is a well-known saying that “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”. Many women are not aware of the fact that people form a judgment about them based on the style and type of clothing they wear. In her book The Language of Clothes (1981), Alison Lune explains “our clothing conveys important information-or misinformation-about us long before we speak to someone at a party, on the street or in a meeting. Clothes are a universal language that telegraphs one’s personality, opinions, tastes and even occupation before we ever open our mouths.” Clothes are silent communicators of our conscious, and also our unconscious, sexual feelings. Each wardrobe decision tells others quite a bit including self-image and the level of confidence, as well as the way a woman expresses her sensuality. Thus, a woman’s clothes really do speak louder than words.

The outfits we wear create a sexual image for the men around us, and that image is created in the first five seconds upon entering a room. They wonder whether she can fulfill their fantasy, making her either completely delicious or irresistible, or not. Most men can and do read a woman’s signals immediately and determine whether she is approachable, seductive and alluring, confident, free-spirited or closed off. What is the message you are presenting? Consider the six basic outfits in a woman’s attire that convey messages to men.

On center stage first is the “Lbd”, aka the little black dress, with all its splendor and potential pizzazz. Combined with some hip strappy sandals this outfit can stop any man’s heart at twenty paces. This outfit reveals a woman’s sense of elegant boldness and communicates “I’m confident and available (perhaps) if you play your cards right and treat me with the style I’m accustomed to”.

Enter stage left is the professional pantsuit with a crisp white blouse referred to as the corporate go-to look. This suit portrays a woman who is polished, powerful and not classically romantic. But after dark, this outfit with some hot accessories like great chunky bangles, a flowing scarf or a chic ruffled blouse can send a whole new message that says, “I like to be in control, but I’m willing to share the power in the bedroom for that special man.”

It doesn’t get any better than a pair of skinny jeans with a modern fitted t-shirt and a fantastic pair of heels to make a man think a woman is delicious. Such an outfit has a strategic sparkle unto itself and reflects a woman who is self-confident and knows what she wants. She definitely lets him know, “I’m edgy, comfortable in my own skin… and I’m capable of flirting with any man who captures my eye and appreciates my fabulous energy”.

A soft, flowing pastel sundress conveys femininity like a whisper from a warm breeze. As her stylish hair brushes gently over her cheek and her dress softly drapes ever so close to the outline of her body, a man can be totally mesmerized by this look. With it, she is telling him, “I enjoy being a woman and I’ll just love having your arms around me while we kiss”.

The hip layered look with an alluring tank top or t-shirt, black jeans or leggings, and a boyfriend jacket or blazer spells sporty chic to the world. This alluring woman who will reveal her secrets only on her terms will charm any man in the near vicinity. She conveys the message “I’m playful, romantic and love to have fun, so let’s hit a happening place on the town and share a few spontaneous kisses.”

Jeans and a baggy t-shirt make a casual statement from a woman who is not craving romance, but she still likes to hang out with friends and acquaintances in a comfortable environment. She is not emphasizing her body and enjoys being free of constraints. Such an outfit tells a man

“I’m not really in the mood for a romantic encounter but would be happy to have your company as a friend.”

All of these styles send a man important clues about how a woman perceives herself and how she wants to be approached. A savvy man will pick up these clues immediately and adjusts his style of approach accordingly. So next time you wonder what to put on, remember that all eyes are on what you wear, and you are in charge of the image you want to create for your boyfriend or prospective new man.

Ah, the first date. One of the more complex social rituals, it is a curious combination of a job interview, Christmas morning and a multiple-choice test, all packed into a couple hours of suppressed panic. It is a giant burrito that looks and smells wonderful at first, but until eaten, has equal potential to disgust or delight. There are countless variables that figure into initial adventures of the heart, but here we’ll focus on what you should and shouldn’t do to make sure the outcome of your first date is delicious and comfortable to all of the senses.

Do’s

1- Spin the globe

Come into the first date with an arsenal of information on current affairs. Small talk is an inevitable verbal appetizer between two people who don’t know each other, and once you get past weather and work, you better have something interesting to say. Being informed tells your date that at least you are curious about the world around you, and that you are not apathetic, lazy and sheltered.

2- Settle down, and listen up

A common mistake some people make on first dates is to prove their value by immediately spewing forth their accomplishments before drinks are ordered. Be patient; you’ll get to ‘you’ in time. Instead of regurgitating resume highlights, demonstrate how wonderful you are by first asking questions, listening to the responses with genuine interest, than following up with further questions. If the date is worthy of you, the conversation will turn around and soon you’ll find yourself answering questions instead of asking them. Then you can talk about the volunteer work with manatees and the PhD in nuclear physics.

3- Believe the Boy Scouts

Forward-thinking is an attractive asset in a potential mate, so subtly demonstrate your smarts by being prepared. Pack non-bulky essentials on your person that your date may need during the course of the night, such as a pen, breath mints, gum, lighter, and chapstick, to name a few.

4- Pick a comfortable location

If it’s up to you to choose the spot for the first date, pick a place where you know one or more of the staff. This can be tricky, because if you walk in the door and everyone shouts your name and the bartender asks if you’ll be having the usual, it’s apparent that you spend a little too much time there drinking. But if you know one of the servers or hostesses, it gives you an opportunity to introduce your date with charm, and for them to see how you interact with other people. This is extremely important for a good first impression.

5- Show your stability

If you are lucky enough to have healthy relationships with most or all of your family members, make sure you talk about them with eagerness and acknowledgment of your good fortune. Whether your date comes from a broken home or shares your upbringing, you will demonstrate a capacity for love and affection, which indicates your kindness and overall stability. If your family background is less than perfect, talk honestly about your struggles and how you overcame them. By doing this, you will demonstrate determination and mental toughness, which is indicative of ambition and accomplishment.

Don’ts

1- Try to one-up your date

When your date tells a personal story about the past, avoid the natural tendency to ‘one-up’, even if it’s not your intention. If you’ve had a similar or comparable experience, feel free to talk about it, but do so after they finish speaking. Avoid injecting details that automatically diminish those of your date’s yarn.

2- Be distracted by your phone

Do not, under any circumstances other than extreme emergencies, text, take or make calls in the midst of talking to your date. If you absolutely have to reply to the string of emails circulating about Kim Kardashian’s accidentally see-through dress on the red carpet, then politely excuse yourself to the bathroom before going nuts. Have some respect for yourself and your date and turn your phone off before you sit down to eat or drink.

3- Bring up ‘touchy’ subjects

Religion and politics have no place on first dates. They are contentious subjects and can potentially end a good time before it has a chance to begin. Whether you’re a Jesus freak or atheist, or a heat-packing Republican or tree-saving Democrat, save the heavy stuff for dates down the road.

4- Be someone you’re not

Don’t try to be someone you’re not. The ‘be yourself’ cliché is undoubtedly old and overused, but on first dates it can’t be stressed enough. If you’re off-the-wall, bat-shit crazy to begin with, then do your thing without fear; maybe your date likes feeding police horses Caesar salad and mooning tour busses. But if you’re not crazy and you act like you are for one night in order to make an unforgettable impression, it will be what’s expected of you next time.

5- Reek of cologne or perfume

Smell evokes memories and forms associations more powerfully than any other human sense. Don’t lather yourself in your favorite scent on the first date, because you can’t be sure if it will trigger a negative subconscious reaction from your date. Go instead with a recent shower and simple deodorant. The last thing you want flashing through your date’s mind is the image of a troublesome ex or an old teacher who reeked of cologne covering up bad hygiene.